The midlife crisis often comes out of nowhere, right in the middle of life. We feel insecure about our careers, relationships, and even ourselves. But why does a crisis occur, and what can we do to overcome it?
“I never expected it to happen.” “It happens to everyone else”, Lise says, embarrassed.
She is in her prime, but she does not exude confidence or calmness as she faces me on a Tuesday morning.
“I just believe I’ve been hit by a mid-term crisis,” she says. “It came out of nowhere, almost overnight. When my husband asked if I wanted to go for a walk, I couldn’t say no. “I had a sudden doubt that in my efforts to be a good mother, colleague, and partner, I had simply forgotten myself.”
“Where did being there for others get you?” I ask.
“Where am I? “I don’t know where to go, and I’ve almost forgotten who I am,” she admits.
The crisis offers chances.
Lisa is not alone in asking, “How did I get here?” In fact, most people cannot find themselves halfway through life. We do our best to make good food, raise good kids, and work hard.
Everything that appears to be good. But in all of that, many of us are left perplexed about our own role in it. And it hits us right in the middle. But a midlife crisis can be a chance to rediscover oneself and perhaps even create new opportunities.
Opportunities arise when we begin to question our first-half life experience. What’s good? What’s been bad? What do I want more of in my second half?
I tell Lisa she can use her mid-term crisis to evolve and look at it as a mid-term evaluation. She understands and we agree she needs homework.
The most important thing she needs is some me time. Make me-time oases. Then she must lie in the grass and gaze upwards. Lisa retorts:
“It’s absurd, Luise!” “I can’t just sit there and do nothing!”
I tell her to do so because:
“When you lie in the grass and just look up at the sky, childhood memories come back to you.” Memories that help you remember who you are and what matters to you.”
She returns home reluctantly, but a week later she sends me a message.
“I had the best time in the grass. It took me about 30 minutes to finally give up, but I suddenly remembered how I used to lie in the grass as a child. “I felt a sense of childlike wonder that I haven’t felt in a long time, and that I will have more of in the second half of my life.”
The midlife crisis was probably discovered by German philosopher Carl Gustav Jung. He says it usually affects people aged 35-40. He compares the ego phase to the sun, which begins to set when it reaches the middle of the sky. The ego must give way midlife, or the midlife crisis occurs. A mid-life crisis that causes us to reflect on our lives. We can revise our lives and open up to our unconscious qualities, which Jung likens to the moon.
How to develop from a crisis
Make a void
Many women forget to take care of themselves in their busy lives. We do it not out of malice, but lack of time and surplus. This must change, because it is in our freedom that we discover our true selves. So, every week, block out 30-60 minutes for “me-time”.
Lying in the grass
Adults may find it strange – borderline bizarre – to lie in the grass, feel the earth’s vibrations, and watch clouds drift by. Why? Because it does nothing. That’s why you must act. Start with 5-10 minutes once a week, maybe on a weekend, and work your way up to 30-40 minutes. This space allows you to feel yourself in new ways.
We humans spend our lives trying to figure out who we are and what we want to create. Forget our inner child on this outer journey! Close your eyes and imagine yourself as small for your inner gaze. Note your age and what you need as a child right now. Please pull it in and tell the child you love it.
Take a risk
Routines are easy to relate to, most people believe, while new and unknown experiences scare us. So, here’s an invitation to try something new. Something you wished to try as a child or adolescent Decide what you want to try and go slow. Recognize that overcoming fear requires rebuilding confidence in yourself and your abilities.
Make a list
You’re now ready to branch out. You may have hugged your inner child. You are now ready to design your future life. So, make a wish list of ten realistic future goals and five unrealistic goals. But know that by changing you will open up for the fulfillment of desires that were unrealistic in your old self but now become realistic in your new self.