Twelve couples therapists listed the top five reasons for divorce. One of the therapists explains how we can avoid it.
According to a survey of couples with therapists. Statistically, there have never been more singles. Couple therapists can help us understand what separates people and how to better stay together.
Mette Turms treats couples. She is one of the 12 couple therapists who opened the therapy room door and shared the most common relationship issues. She is sorry we let ourselves be knocked out of love’s gaps:
Divorces are far too common. Many of them could be avoided with the right help, she says.
1. It’s difficult to communicate.
Poor communication. Misunderstandings exist. Statements are misunderstood by the partner. Manipulation and sarcasm are used.
Some are spiritually unfaithful, finding a soulmate other than their physical partner. Others cheat for longer or shorter periods.
You’ve either become too self-reliant and distant, or too parental. You need to connect. It can be mental or physical.
One desires too much or too little. The first is frustrated that the other cannot. Sex unites and divides us.
The small, the big, the gathered, and the unable. Children are a joy, but they can also cause divisions, especially when gathered.
Here are some ideas:
Mette Turms has worked hard on all issues. Here are her tips.
1. If you can’t talk, learn to listen!
Poor communication includes avoidance, silence, and isolation. A person’s body language can also be a form of communication. Many couples use communication to avoid making contact and closeness.
Do not use sarcastic language that disparages the other. The last word, i.e. arguing for one’s own views without listening or learning about the partner’s worldview. Don’t think, feel and be honest.
2. If you’ve been unfaithful, come up with an excuse.
Infidelity usually occurs when one party does not feel heard, understood, or sex. In the event of an affair, you’ll both have to deal with it. Simultaneously, the unfaithful have let down one party. The mismatch is insanely difficult to deal with, but not impossible!
You must allow each other to express yourself loudly. Find out if you both feel the need to rekindle loyalty, closeness, and sex life. If you both want to heal, you must be able to accept that it will take time. The unfaithful party must accept that convincing the other takes time.
3. You lack unity? Find out what you like together.
Couples are two people. Their lives can become so parallel that they have too few overlaps. They need to reconnect.
You must make time for the other/each other. You must make agreements that YOU OBSERVE. Let go of the ideal relationship and discover what makes you happy. A cup of coffee in the garden or a walk with the dog are more appealing than romantic weekend getaways and expensive restaurants to some. It’s fine if one of you changes interests over time. Frequently, the other party is dissapointed. Let go of anger! So long as the partner is involved, the desire for new experiences is not an opt-out.
4. Absence of sex does not imply absence of desire.
Intimacy – sex life – is vital in most relationships. Love is more than chemistry, but we know that oxytocin, which is released when we are close to another person, is a happy hormone. We do this during sex, which is often mistranslated as intercourse and orgasms.
If sex life is boring, say so! Learn about it together. Put a name to it. It becomes less risky. If both parties want it, a lost sex life always comes back. The way back to each other is often not about penetration, but about overcoming distance. Describe your dreams. Find a common desire. Take your time. If it doesn’t work right away, it doesn’t mean it won’t work later. Closeness and intimacy are better with one than the other. This party must keep trying dialogue and intimacy. Some had parents who couldn’t love. Those children will often feel insecure, distrustful, and misinterpret signals. It’s not just about sex. They don’t want to get into arguments about work, housework, or family obligations. Be gentle with your partner.
5. Children are our most precious possession
Because we now live together, the idea that we are a big family is unrealistic. The conflict between our children’s needs and our partner’s and his children’s needs may seem insoluble, but it requires communication and patience.
Become a family over time. When you move together, expect frustration, insecurity, and even failure. Accept that you don’t “like siblings” just because your parents are lovers. That’s fine. You can’t have it all. In the end, it’s all about compromise. Accept it, but agree on bedtimes and meals before sharing a home. The kids are usually insecure and want to know what others think of them. Tell them you love them and that love comes in many forms. DON’T SAY WHO LOVES WHOM MORE!!